Why is it, that when everything in your entire being is screaming no, you go and do it anyway? Why, when I have never been able to voice my own feelings, and say no, is it that I finally find myself able to do so!? And why, why start here? I mean what is that I possibly have to gain from taking this step, this huge step!? I know what it is that I have lost, but was it worth it?
For the first time ever, I have put myself out there, vulnerable, open to heartache...open...I have allowed myself to say, this is how I am feeling, now, unable to live in denial, i'm full of all this torment, torment I have never opened myself up to before...
All the time I question my sanity...in putting my faith in knowing that God has his plans and his reasons, and that he will only follow through on these plans in his own time.....but, at the same time knowing that although I may be questioning my sanity (on numerous occasions I would like to point out), I will never question my faith. When did this happen....when did I become this person??..........ARGH!!!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Rainbow
Cannot believe that I was allowed to watch this as a child!!! How did they get away with this lol...
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Te Busque
I've been high, I've been low
I've been fast, I've been slow
I've had nowhere to go
Missed the bus, missed the show
I've been down on my luck
I've felt like giving up
My life locked in a trunk
When it hurt way too much
I needed a reason to live
Some love inside me to give
I couldn't rest I had to keep on searching
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
I've been too sad to speak and too tired to eat
Been too lonely to sing, devil cut off my wings
I've been hurt by my past but I feel the future
In my dreams and it lasts I wake up I'm not sure
I wanted to find the light something just didn't feel right
I needed an answer to end all my searching
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
I look in the mirror the picture's getting clearer
I wanna be myself but does the world really need her
I ache for this earth
I stopped going to church
See God in the trees makes me fall to my knees
My depression keeps building like a cup overfilling
My heart so rigid I keep it in the frigid
It hurts so bad that I can't dry my eyes
cause' they keep on refilling
with the tears that I cry
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
I've been fast, I've been slow
I've had nowhere to go
Missed the bus, missed the show
I've been down on my luck
I've felt like giving up
My life locked in a trunk
When it hurt way too much
I needed a reason to live
Some love inside me to give
I couldn't rest I had to keep on searching
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
I've been too sad to speak and too tired to eat
Been too lonely to sing, devil cut off my wings
I've been hurt by my past but I feel the future
In my dreams and it lasts I wake up I'm not sure
I wanted to find the light something just didn't feel right
I needed an answer to end all my searching
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
I look in the mirror the picture's getting clearer
I wanna be myself but does the world really need her
I ache for this earth
I stopped going to church
See God in the trees makes me fall to my knees
My depression keeps building like a cup overfilling
My heart so rigid I keep it in the frigid
It hurts so bad that I can't dry my eyes
cause' they keep on refilling
with the tears that I cry
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
Te busque debajo de las piedras y no te encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te busquer
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tú llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciéndome sentir vivo otra vez
The latest update
I figured that after a few comments it was probably about time that i briefly updated you all on the last few chapters of my life, and possibilities for the next, plus i would love to hear yours in return...If people want more info, you know where to find me.
I'll start sort of middle of last year when i was blessed with a job caring for a girl with Bipolar disorder. I have never been so challenged in my life to date!! I was looking after a girl that just been released from the local psych ward for kids, and I was told I was to get her out and about and to make sure she had taken her meds, boy was that not even half of it! lol. As hard as it was it opened me up to God on so many new levels.
From there I went on to spend the summer working at various christian festivals with the charity Mission Direct, a former part of mercy ships which most of you would know as mission challenge. Which as amazing as it was it broke my heart knowing that it was something God hasn't got planned for me at the minute :( But guiding people planning to take that step for themselves was amazing. The days were EXTREMELY long and i never realised how tiring prayer was lol, but God really blessed me by showing his plans for people, a blessing I was so pleased to get back!!!!
Before starting my christmas job I spent a lot of time helping my sister out with my nephew, who turned one last Saturday. What can I say i now have a valid unpathetic excuse to play with kids toys and to carry on entertaining the child within that i've always been lol.
Over Christmas I started working in retail for Marks and Spencers (for those of you who know what i'm talking about). All I can say is, I never thought that I would be seeing people stoop so low, but nevertheless I've been working there ever since.
Sadly the new year was filled with sadness as I lost two friends that had meant a lot to me in previous chapters of my life. My heart still breaks, but they are with our father, which is comforting.I think after Pete died so suddenly, I was ready to go on my first proper holiday in 3 years! I went backpacking up the west coast of the states, stopping over in LA, Vegas, San Francisco, Seattle and Vancouver, making friends along the way. I've also just got back from another trip I took to Italy.
These time outs have cleared my head and i'm now pushing doors to something that God has strongly placed on my heart. If God has opened these doors for me, I don't know where this will take me, but I know that for the next 6 years of my life it will definately be an interesting journey! So please keep me in your prayers.
Anyways, many blessings, Sarah x x
I'll start sort of middle of last year when i was blessed with a job caring for a girl with Bipolar disorder. I have never been so challenged in my life to date!! I was looking after a girl that just been released from the local psych ward for kids, and I was told I was to get her out and about and to make sure she had taken her meds, boy was that not even half of it! lol. As hard as it was it opened me up to God on so many new levels.
From there I went on to spend the summer working at various christian festivals with the charity Mission Direct, a former part of mercy ships which most of you would know as mission challenge. Which as amazing as it was it broke my heart knowing that it was something God hasn't got planned for me at the minute :( But guiding people planning to take that step for themselves was amazing. The days were EXTREMELY long and i never realised how tiring prayer was lol, but God really blessed me by showing his plans for people, a blessing I was so pleased to get back!!!!
Before starting my christmas job I spent a lot of time helping my sister out with my nephew, who turned one last Saturday. What can I say i now have a valid unpathetic excuse to play with kids toys and to carry on entertaining the child within that i've always been lol.
Over Christmas I started working in retail for Marks and Spencers (for those of you who know what i'm talking about). All I can say is, I never thought that I would be seeing people stoop so low, but nevertheless I've been working there ever since.
Sadly the new year was filled with sadness as I lost two friends that had meant a lot to me in previous chapters of my life. My heart still breaks, but they are with our father, which is comforting.I think after Pete died so suddenly, I was ready to go on my first proper holiday in 3 years! I went backpacking up the west coast of the states, stopping over in LA, Vegas, San Francisco, Seattle and Vancouver, making friends along the way. I've also just got back from another trip I took to Italy.
These time outs have cleared my head and i'm now pushing doors to something that God has strongly placed on my heart. If God has opened these doors for me, I don't know where this will take me, but I know that for the next 6 years of my life it will definately be an interesting journey! So please keep me in your prayers.
Anyways, many blessings, Sarah x x
Why men don't write advice columns!
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs.. Sheila Usk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs.. Sheila Usk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Venice!
So i'm on my third and almost last day in venice. Oh I'm in Venice btw! I booked time off to go somewhere with this guy I met in LA but he went home early so booked the cheapest flight to anywhere, so yeah...Time here has been sweet. I've done the touristy must haves and chilled out on the beach, a world away from the endurance required back home ;( I've made new friends and plenty of memories, and am actually quite sad to leave tomorrow night.
Saying that though, I wouldn't actually mind getting back to where I can understand the language! A lover of chit chat doesn't fair so well when only knowing a few words. But hey....I can learn!
Hope all are well, blessings x x
Saying that though, I wouldn't actually mind getting back to where I can understand the language! A lover of chit chat doesn't fair so well when only knowing a few words. But hey....I can learn!
Hope all are well, blessings x x
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